ANSWERS TO YOUR COMMON QUESTIONS

Birth Mother Questions

We know you have a lot of questions.  We can’t answer all of them here, but these are some of the questions we are asked most commonly.  Please call us at 877-437-2434 any time day or night, and we can answer any other questions you may have.

Every birth parent has their own reasons for choosing adoption. Some feel they’re too young. Others worry about financial stability. A single mother may want her child to grow up in a two-parent home.
No two situations are the same. Your circumstances, feelings, and hopes are uniquely yours. Heart to Heart understands that this decision isn’t easy. We’re here to support you, no matter what.
Your needs matter. Your wishes deserve respect. Whatever you’re facing, you don’t have to go through it alone.

You have control over who adopts your baby. If you want, you can meet the family, talk with them, and decide if they’re the right fit before finalizing your adoption plan.
Even if you prefer little or no contact, every potential adoptive family goes through a detailed screening process. Your agency carefully reviews their finances, health, relationship stability, and lifestyle. They also conduct in-depth background checks to rule out any history of child abuse or neglect.

A professional will visit the family’s home to ensure it’s a safe, loving place where your child can thrive. Before the adoption is official, the family must stand before a judge and be legally confirmed as a permanent family.

You can also ask to see the agency’s reports on the families you’re considering. This way, you can feel confident knowing your baby will be placed in a secure, caring home.

Heart to Heart provides clean, warm, secure housing for Birth Parents who have chosen adoption and wish to come to Utah.

We currently have several apartments available to Birth Parents who need a place to stay.

Medical expenses are always a concern. There are a couple of ways to make sure your expenses are covered.

  1. Medicaid or the government medical support in your state. You may already be on that support or we can help you apply. 
  2. Adoptive families cover the medical costs. Heart to Heart has many adoptive families who can assist medical costs related to your pregnancy.
  3. Often Medicaid will cover some things and the adoptive family can cover the rest. This is also true if you have insurance. The adoptive family can cover any additional expenses and often their insurance will cover much of the expense.

Bottom line, when you do an adoption, we don’t want you left with medical bills. We will help make sure they are paid.

Yes! Heart to Heart offers you the option to choose your adoptive couple or individual if you want to. As well, you will have the option to spend time and get to know them or remain completely anonymous. It is up to you!

Many Heart to Heart Birth Parents get to know to their adoptive families by phone. Some meet with them for dinner. Other birth parents decide not to have any contact with the adoptive families at all. It’s whatever you choose. You can have your relationship with the adoptive family as open or confidential as you want it to be.

OurHeartsConnect.Com is used by many of our families to ensure that both you and the adoptive family are comfortable with the level of contact that will be maintained after the birth of the child.
Many Heart to Heart Birth Parents choose to receive letters and photos of their child from the adoptive parents. This may occur on an ongoing basis or periodically. You get to decide! And it’s all handled securely via OurHeartsConnect.Com .

As you begin the process of selecting an adoptive family, try to make sure that you choose an adoptive family or individual with similar ideas about ongoing contact.

You also always have the option to choose no contact at all. It’s up to you.

That depends of the laws that govern your adoption. In most states, you will sign documents “relinquishing” or waiving your parental rights to your child sometime after the baby is born. That can be from 24 hours to 5 days. Generally, once you sign, the decision to relinquish your rights is “irrevocable” or cannot be undone. There are a few states where the laws allow a period of time to change your mind. Be sure to talk with your counselor about what the laws are that you will be using.

This really depends on three criteria.

First, if you are married to any man, that man, your legal husband, has rights to the child regardless if he is the biological father. He must be notified. He may or may not give his consent to the adoption, but he has a right to know about it. This rule is valid in every state.

Second, it depends on how involved he has been with the pregnancy. If he has provided emotional and financial support, then his involvement can be considered. 

Third, in most state there are Paternity registries or Putative Father registries. Putative means he is not married to you. If he wants to have rights to the child, he needs to file with the registry. The agency will search the registry and if he doesn’t register, he can lose the rights to parent the child. If your state does not have a registry, he will need to file a Paternity action with an attorney to have any rights. 

Heart to Heart will work with you to determine how much involvement he has and what actions need to be taken.

It is a good idea to think about your plans as early in your pregnancy as possible. A professional social worker will be assigned to help you make this plan.

The adoptive couple or individual who adopts your child will be given non-identifying information about your background, family, medical history, interests, hobbies, and what you are like as a person.

As well, the adoptive family will be instructed on how and when to share this information, and how to answer your child’s questions with love and sensitivity.

For more information about the types of communication that can occur after you place your child see the section on Post Placement Communication

Different states have different laws. We can help you understand the adoption laws in your state.
In all states you may change your mind at any time during the adoption process up until the legal documents are signed. You have full parental rights until those documents are signed. However, once the legal documents are signed, your adoption decision is final and permanent in most states. We will explain to you all of your rights and what is meant by each legal document before you sign anything.

An unexpected pregnancy can be stressful for a woman, especially if she feels like she is not in the right situation to care for a child.  There are several signs that are associated with becoming pregnant. These signs of pregnancy come from the hormone changes that happen once an egg has been fertilized. They include:

  • Feeling nauseous
  • Vomiting
  • Sensitive, tender, or swollen breasts
  • Excessive and unexplained fatigue
  • Food cravings or aversions

If you have been sexually active in the past month and experience any of these symptoms, you may be pregnant. You can find out if you’re pregnant by purchasing a pregnancy test. Pregnancy tests are normally available at a local dollar store or grocery store.

If you find out that you do have an unwanted pregnancy, please contact Heart to Heart Adoptions. You can text us anytime (801-563-1000) and we will provide you with needed support and understanding.

Adoptive Family Questions

How much does it cost to adopt?

There are as many levels of investment associated with adoption as there are ways to offset the cost of adoption.  

In a survey conducted in 2022, we asked members of the Utah Adoption Council to help us understand the costs associated with different types of adoptions. You’ll find those survey results under “Adoption Snapshot” in our resources section. 

We are most familiar with the expenses associated with a private domestic (USA) adoption through a Utah-based adoption agency, so we’ll discuss those expenses here. 

Donna Pope is a member of the Utah Adoption Council and Director of Heart to Heart Adoptions, a not-for-profit agency in Utah. Several of us have used this agency to adopt our own children. We asked her to give us an update on expenses associated with a Private Domestic Adoption at her Agency. 

“We will discuss your adoption budget with you before you become active with our agency, and you will be able to tell us the level of fees you are comfortable with.

“We will discuss all fees associated with each particular situation with you before we show your profile to any potential match situations.

“You begin your process with A non-fundable application fee to the agency of your choice.  Our Application fee is $2,000.  While many families opt to work with one agency,  adoptive parents will often apply to more than one. 

“Beyond the application fee, there are three types of expenses associated with an adoption. 

“The first is the ADOPTION FEE, which you pay to the agency. This fee covers all of the birth mother’s and the agency’s expenses. The adoption fee is $48,000 (as of June, 2024)

“The second is MEDICAL EXPENSES. Many birth mothers will have some type of medical insurance but some will not. The adoptive family assumes all of the medical expenses that are not covered by the birth mother’s insurance.  This includes doctor visits, emergency room visits, hospital costs, and pediatrician costs. The medical expenses can vary by state and hospital. Most families will pay between $5,000 – and $15,000 for a full medical situation.

“The third expense is any LEGAL FEES. Babies born in Utah will not normally have legal fees other than the cost to finalize the adoption and if we need to hire an attorney for an extra-legal proceeding. 

For babies born in other states, the Agency is required to pay additional fees to facilitate the execution of legal documents. Those fees average $6,000 but could go higher when additional legal proceedings are required.  For example, almost all babies that have Native American heritage require additional legal work. The birth mother is required to go before a judge and state she understands the laws regarding the Indian Child Welfare Act and that she is choosing to place her child outside of the tribe. This is usually an additional cost of $5,000 to $7,000.  

The home study, which an adoptive family can use with any adoption agency they apply to in their state, is completed by a state-licensed adoption counselor. The fee for a Home Study in Utah is $750.

“A word on Failed Placement Policies: It’s always a good idea to check on the failed placement policies of individual agencies. At our Agency, if a placement does not go through, we have a low-risk policy where no more than 10% of the Agency fee, of $4,800 is at risk, and we promise that there will be no add-ons or surprises at the end”.

How long will we have to wait before we get our baby?

Wait times vary with each situation.  We have seen families get matched and have a placement within days of getting approved. We’ve also seen families wait over a year, even 18  months until a placement takes place.  

Your Agency doesn’t know in advance who will be calling to place their baby for adoption.  It’s also important to note that the more restrictions a family has the more their wait time will increase. 

For example, if adoptive families 

  • Want a specific gender or ethnicity
  • Cannot pay for medical costs
  • Are single
  • Are older
  • Have many biological children
  • Live in a state that has laws that are difficult to work with

The important thing to remember is that the baby that is right for your family will come in his or her own time.

What is a home study?

The home study, also known as The Adoptive Pre-Placement Evaluation, plays a crucial role in your adoption journey. It not only ensures that you meet the necessary state and agency requirements to qualify as an adoptive family but also helps your family prepare for the life-changing experience of having a child placed in your home. 

The Home Study, completed by a licensed home-study professional in your home state, consists of one or more interviews as well as written information provided by you and others, including medical background, information about your marriage and family, parenting styles, safety features in your home, and finances. 

Reference letters will also be requested from 3 references, including 1 related and 2 non-related references. Feel free to ask any questions of your counselor at any time.  

Some families have their home study completed prior to applying to an agency.  You will be required to submit this to your Agency, and then the agency will also review it to ensure that is in compliance with their specific standards. 

Most agencies will accept a completed home study from an independent licensed home study specialist or from another agency that you are also working with as long as the study meets or exceeds their adoption standards.  

In the state of Utah, a completed home study is valid for up to a year. If it expires before your placement is finalized, it will need to be updated.

Do you place with single parents?

It is accurate that most birth families, when they decide to place a child for adoption, are looking for two-parent families.  As a result, this can create a longer wait time for single parents hoping to adopt. However,  there are birth families that are open to considering both two-parent and single-parent families. 

How do we go from infertility to adoption?

Couples who have tried repeatedly to have a biological child, or know they will be unable to have children, go through a major loss in their lives. Infertility is a loss that is often not discussed or recognized which can make it that much harder. As with all losses, it should be addressed.

Adoption is a wonderful option for growing one’s eternal family. It should not be pursued, however, until the loss of biological children has been fully addressed.

Adoption is available to build an eternal loving family not to replace a desired child. Like attempting pregnancy or fertility treatments, adoption can also be an emotional and stressful process.

Families often find it emotionally useful not to continue fertility treatment or pregnancy while pursuing adoption. Adoption is not a ‘backup plan’. It’s an intentionally chosen path.

As you move from infertility to adoption you will probably experience some or all of the stages of grief and loss. As a couple, take time to address each of these. Independently determine where you feel you each are in the process.

Stages of Grief

  • Stage 1 – Denial
  • Stage 2 – Anger
  • Stage 3 – Bargaining
  • Stage 4 – Sadness
  • Stage 5 – Acceptance

Discussing these stages openly together as a couple is important. You may find that you are at stage 5 while your partner is still in stage 3 or 4.

It’s important to recognize that each person moves through the stages of grief and loss at different paces and on the adoption path, both parents must be ready to move forward together. Don’t move forward with the adoption process because it will make your spouse happy. If you are unsure about your feelings, join an infertility support group, read books on infertility and grief, or perhaps talk to a grief counselor. Through open and honest conversation, together you’ll determine if expanding your eternal family through the adoption path is the answer for you at this time or perhaps at some timed in the future.